If I am where I want to be, why do I so badly want to be back where I used to be?
As part of the Hungarian Grand Prix pre-programming BBC ran this segment with the Ferrari team. Fernando was the guinea pig. He tested his F1 car both with F1 fuel and the petrol we use in our cars. Surprise, the car was one second faster on F1 fuel. Pick up being faster was the only discerning difference that Fernando found. It was surprising and pleasing to know that the petrol we pump at a Garage is close to F1 fuel.
Of course the petrol they used would not have been from the batch that last year had many vehicle owners in England moaning as it was of extreme poor quality and caused many cars to seize up. I remembered of course the recent occurrence in Sri Lanka where a similar kind of petrol made its way to the pumps. Both I hope more coincidences and chance than deliberate sabotage.
What struck mostly though is the fact that almost everything that happens in my life now in England, I compare with my past in Sri Lanka, never with my past in the US. But in Sri Lanka I was many ways guilty in comparing my then present with the past in the US. Either way I was never a person who worried much about the future.
A good rice and curry, company of friends, a bottle of arrack, two baths a day and fresh linen are the main priorities in my life. Simple fellow no doubt the reader will reflect, but this kind of attitude has served me well in life for I do not fear change. I just go for it. If any life situation does not offer opportunities or the problems do not promise solutions in the near future I just get on with it. Get on with something new that is, not stuck in that gives me the biggest dissatisfactions in life.
But suddenly facing a mid-life crisis of quite gigantic proportions I am finding that whatever decisions I have made in life, many have been mistakes. False bravado will compel me to say they were my mistakes to make. But every decision but very few have been mistakes and a mistake is what it is nothing but a mistake. An incorrect act or decision, an error. Usually one that cannot be corrected, erased or tipexed.
So more and more I no longer believe in humanity, morals and ethics. For all those who succeed around me, all of them seem to have none. So while I refuse to directly copy them and become successful myself, I more and more grow to soon become a crotchety old man. I am doomed with a lifetime of bad decisions and bad luck.
So there you are my mid-life crisis, I believe soon to be the mother of all mistakes. I join now those who pray for Armageddon, a world living life underground. Apparently no one wants to live in mountains due to the nuclear clouds floating around in the sky.
We may have
But she’s not
“For without me thy hearth will forever stay cold, thy fires never lit in passion or agony”
Never ever never
It’s called IVF
So, if I am where I want to be, why do I so badly want to be back where I used to be?